- Lay down the law. ” We do not hit other people!” – this message will take many repetitions to get through, but eventually your child will come to accept it as gospel.
- Avoid a heavy hand. Handle your toddler in a firm but gentle way, even when you are annoyed or impatient. It’s tempting to drag a reluctant – to – leave toddler out of the sand pit, give a pavement dawdler a little push when you’re late for an appointment, or deliver a quick smack of retribution for kicking a playmate, but such tactics breed toddlers who also get heavy-handed when angry or under stress.
- Opt for middle-of-the-road discipline. If you have an aggressive child, it’s particularly important to set limits and supply structure, while providing plenty of opportunity for your child to make choices.
- Pay attention to good behavior. Hitting, biting or other aggressive behaviours are often call for attention by children who are frequently ignored or unappreciated when they’re behaving well. A child who feels he or she doesn’t get enough attention may do anything to get it,including beating up on playmates. Give plenty attention (praise, smile, hugs), for good behaviour and very little (other than stopping the behaviour and disciplinong appropriately but matter-of-factly) for bad.
- Validate your child’s feeling. All feelings, unlike some actions, are okay. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel angry when you don’t get your way or when a friend grabs a toy from you, but it isn’t okay to hit.
- Encourage, translating feelings into words. Anger. Disappontment. Jealousy. Sorrow. Fear. Eventually children should learn to express these and other feelings with words rather than through an aggressive actions.
- Provide opportunities for venting. Pent-up frustration energy, or anger can explode in aggressive behaviour or be released through a variety of appropriate outlets. Teaching your child to express feelings in safe, healthly ways will help lessen his or her needs to indulge in physical outbursts.
- Recognize when your child’s had it. At any age, a tired child can behave irrationally. During the toddlers years, when irrationality reigns even in the best of circumstances, fatigue almost always robs reason. Determine the time of day that your toddler tends to be overtired ( for most toddlers, this is late afternoon, or early evening) and avoid play dates then or monitor them closely.
- Banish boredom. Idle toddlers can do major mischief. Anticipate your toddler’s ennui, whenever possible, and respond with a challenging game or activity before hellish behaviour breaks loose.
- Minimize frustration. Much of the aggressive behaviour of toddlers is related to frustration. Helping your toddler to learn the skills needed for everyday living - social skills. dressing skills, playing skills, eating skills – may reduce not only frustration but aggression.
- Diffuse with soothing activities. Take breaks each day ( especially during high-stress time) for quiet cuddling, singing, reading and other pacifying pastimes: these can help diffuse a toddler’s aggression. The other plus :they are relaxing for you, too.
- Set an nonaggressive example. If, over time, your toddler sees you handle your own disagreements maturely, using words instead of actions, compromise instead of confrontation, he or she will be likely to learn to respond the same way. Whenever you can’t manage to be a model example -when you lose your temper with your spouse, a friend, or your child-make sure your toddler sees you admit your lapse and apologize for it, too.
- Know when to stay out of it. A few harmless rounds of pushing or shoving isn’t likely to hurt anyone and doesn’t require adult intervention. Step in when you’re not needed and you’re depriving the children involved of valuable social experience. In such, situations, they are learning through experience how relationships work, hoe to make them work, and what happens when they don’t work. If frustration are building faster than social skills, however you can try a little lesson in negotiation and compromise. If, for example, two children are fighting over a truck, can bring over another truck, keeping both parties happy. Or if the dispute is over the one and only riding toy in the house, you can recommend “taking turns’. If the children refuse to compromise, impose a settlement: ‘If, you can’t take turns, I have to put the tricycle away.’ Then propose a fun, adult-supervised alternative activity.
- Know when to step in to it. If a confrontation escalates into outright violence ( with hitting, biting or pinching) or it’s clear that someone is going to get hurt, step in and stop it promptly. Focus your immediate attention on rescuing ( and if need be, comforting) the victim rather than admonishing the perpetrator. If your child was the attacker, distract the victim with another activity, and take your toddler aside. Calmly, and without anger, explain briefly that the behaviour – whether it was hiting, biting, punching, kicking or pushing- is not acceptable, and why ( ‘ You hurt Patrick when you kicked him’). You can warn the consequence if the behaviour is repeted (‘ You’ll have to sit next to me on the bench for a time-out,’ or We’ll have to go home’) but avoid such threats unless you intend to follow through – or your attempts at modifying your toddler’s behaviour will be futile.
- Don’t take sides. Some parents tend to take side with their offspring in battles with other children, others sides with the playmates, and still other try to ascertain who threw the first punch. Though all these parents have good intentions, none of these position is best. It’s unfair to always take one side or other. And assigning blame when toddlers fight is tricky, since both parties always consider themselves in the right and the first punch you see may not have been the first thrown. So, even when intervetion is called for, you should play mediator rather than defender or judge and jury. It doesn’t matter who started the fray, it’s up to you to see that it is brought to an end.
Fighting Aggression
April 23, 2012 Leave a Comment
Biting
February 22, 2012 Leave a Comment
The choice of weapon may be different, but a major motive is the same for biters as for the hitter. Frustrated by her inability to manipulate her environment or to make her needs and desires clear, and aware that her words won’t have the “bite” she’d like them to have , she simply use her teeth. Besides, a good bite always seems to get a good reaction.
But toddler sometimes bite for even more innocent reasons. For the curious toddler, biting may be just another inquisitive sensory experiment (” How will Jessica’s shoulder taste? Will it taste the same as Spot’s ear? Or Mummy’s arm?”) . For the affectionate one, biting may be her own unique way of saying: ” I love you”. Biting may also be a case of monkey-see, monkey-do. Or a sign that boredom, fatigue, sensory overload or hunger has set in; that a child is ill-at-easy in a new setting. And, as is the case with many other behaviours, biting can represent no more than a call for attention.
Probably because biting seems so primal, so animal-like, parents are often more horrified when their toddlers bite than when they hit. Yet the biter is no more vicious than the hitter. In fact, a majority of toddlers engage in some biting sometimes between their first and third birthdays. For most, it never becomes chronic; a few experimental chomps seem to satisfy the urge. But for some, behaviour persists and continues to cause the problems.
The following precautions may help deter the Dracula in your child:
- Provide a nibble to prevent biting. Sometimes a child bites just because she’s hungry. Always give her a meal or a snack before letting her loose in a social situation.
- Never bite back. As with hitting back, biting back is confusing to the toddler. Your bite says that it’s okay to bite someone if you are angry at them, while your words say, ” Don’t bite”. Even biting back once to show her how it feels isn’t likely to help, since she probably isn’t yet able to connect her pain with the pain other feel. Being bitten may hurt or frighten her, but it’s unlikely to keep her from biting back.
- Nip biting in the bud. Separate the biter and the victim immediately. Don’t overreact, yell, or embark on a lengthy lecture; simply take your toddler aside and explain calmly but firmly, ” Please don’t bite. Biting hurts. You hurt Anna when you bit her.” When she bites out of an inability to communicate, help her find the words to express her feelings. ” I know you feel angry, It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hurt someone because you’re angry. Let’s figure out another way tomake the anger go away.”
- Avoid a double standard. Some parents bite their child’s toes or fingers playfully or alloe their toddler to take a nip of their shoulders, cheek, or arm occasionally – especially if it doesn’t hurt much. Then, when the toddler bites a playmate, they scold. It’s best to avoid any confusion by making all biting off limits at all times.
- Take biting seriously. Some parents can’t help laughing the first time their child takes a bite out of them. Almost nothing will encourage biting more. So repress your giggles.
Hitting Back
February 22, 2012 Leave a Comment
Nothing brings out the child in a parent like a toddler. Even for the ordinarily cool and collected, it’a very difficult to remain unruffled in the face of provocative toddler behaviour. The impulse to lash back can be strong, sometimes overwhelming. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this eye-for-an-eye impulse, most parents [...]
[Continue reading...]Parting Tips
December 21, 2011 Leave a Comment
The hardest part of leaving your toddler with a baby-sitter or a caregiver will always be saying goodbye. To make it a little easier, try the following: Get ready in advance, when possible, so you can spend time together before you separate. If you pass the last half hour before the baby-sitter arrives getting showered [...]
[Continue reading...]Toys for Tots
December 6, 2011 Leave a Comment
Focus on variety when purchasing or borrowing toys for your toddler, selecting one or more items from each categories below. Some multipurpose toys appear on two or more lists; these are particullary good choise. Many of these toys will be of interest to your child through the first year and even into the next, through [...]
[Continue reading...]Dependence
December 6, 2011 Leave a Comment
To a parent, it’s confusing: just when your child should be needing you less and less, she/he seems to need you more than ever. She/he appears eager to step out on her own, but pulls back as soon as she/he feels any pressure to be self-sufficient. Yet to a young toddler, torn between [...]
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